to: bob townsend, director of c.s.s.
fr: chuck smith, c.s.s.
re: blasphemy

bob,

in accordance with company policy, i have transcribed the following conversation with the reverend doctor ronald walker. for the record, i believe that revered doctor walker's blasphemous use of our lord's name was completely unintentional. for this reason, i do not think that he should be placed on the lightway "problem caller" list or restricted from entering our stores.

chuck smith, c.s.s.: "thank you for calling lightway this is chuck.

reverend doctor walker: "chuck? this is ronald walker."

chuck smith, c.s.s.: "oh. it's good to hear from you again, reverend doctor."

revered doctor walker: "i don't suspect that sam is in today, is she?"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "no sir. samantha is on extended medical leave on account
of her schizophrenia. i don't usually divulge such personal information to customers, but i know the two of you are tight."

reverend doctor walker: "right."

chuck smith, c.s.s.: "the customer service representative said you had a question about pastoral products, reverend doctor. how can i be of service?"

reverend doctor walker: "yeah, i'm lookin' for a preaching book. what you got?"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "we've got hundreds of preaching titles, sir. from our previous conversations, i would assume that you already have a number of preaching volumes. which volumes are currently on your shelf?"

reverend doctor walker: "oh jesus christ!"

dead air...

chuck smith, c.s.s.: "uh, lord of our life!"

reverend doctor walker: "he is indeed! i have plenty of preaching books, chuck. i guess i don't need no more."

chuck smith, c.s.s. "ok."

reverend doctor walker: "hey, what do you think i should preach next quarter?"

chuck smith, c.s.s.: "i think the gospels are always a good place to start."

reverend doctor walker: "un-uh. i already preached the gospels. my people know that stuff already."

chuck smith, c.s.s. "ok. well, if your congregation doesn't need spiritual milk, why don't you give them some meat? perhaps your congregation is prepared for 'apocalyptic autumn.' you could start with a sermon on the spinning wheels of judgment in ezekiel 10, follow with a sermon entitled "damn the man" on daniel 10 and then finish with a rousing sermon about that raunchy prostitute riding the beast in revelation 17. that's a broad outline, reverend doctor. i think you can fill it out from there."

reverend doctor walker: "yeah, chuck, yeah. my people needs some ezekiel. what commentary set do you carry that also includes ezekiel?"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "what commentary sets do you already own, reverend doctor?"

reverend doctor walker: "oh, jesus christ!"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "lord of our life!"

our conversation continued, but no additional blasphies were uttered. for the record, the reverend doctor's order total was $288.28 with shipping. he's always been a spectacular customer.

i realize that we have stringent policies concerning blasphemy and i support those. however, i do not think that reverend doctor intended to blaspheme our lord. i would suggest instead, that he may have a touch of touretts. in any case, i hope that you choose to talk to his regional minister at the "apostolic church of the lion and lamb christ" before inflicting any form of censure upon him.

all of us at copper creek community have really missed seeing you lately. i know that sunday is the only time you can reach out to your long back-slidden brother, but your presence is missed nonetheless.

sincerely,
chuck smith, c.s.s.