chuck smith, c.s.s.

To: Bob Townsend, Director of C.S.S.
Fr: Chuck Smith, C.S.S.
Re: Customer Complaint

Bob,

We had a customer complaint filed today, 8.10.05 at 10:23 a.m. I took the call personally, so I can assure you that the information in this report is accurate. I have provided a transcript of the call below.

chuck smith: "this is chuck smith, how can i help you?"
customer: "my name is melanie johnson and i am the christian education director at first baptist in little rock."
chuck smith: "pleasure to make your aquaintance ms. smith, how can i help you?"
customer: "that's mrs. johnson. i would like you to know that i am married to a godly man."
chuck smith: "ok, mrs. johnson. i apologize for the mistake. i try not to be presumptous."
customer: "that's all right i suppose. i usually don't speak directly to men unless my husband is present, but i suppose this is safe."
chuck smith: "my ex-wife might disagree."
customer: "what? you're divorced and you work for lightway? what kind of example is that?"
chuck smith: "uh, i was young and still a pagan...anyway, how can i help you?"
customer: "i told the customer service woman, who sounded more like a snotty girl actually, that i am not paying shipping charges."
chuck smith: "is this a return order?"
customer: "no."
chuck smith: "ok, does your church have an account with us?"
customer: "no."
chuck smith: "then you will need to pay shipping charges."
customer: "but some of these products, such as the plastic samson figurines, are going to be used by our short term missions team! are you really going to charge us shipping for products that are being used to plant the seeds of the gospel?"
chuck smith: "yes, mrs. smith, we are. we have to keep our product margins in check if we are going to follow-up last year's rickshaw rally vbs curriculum with a real winner!"
customer: "but they wouldn't charge me shipping charges at wal-mart.com or at amazon!"
chuck smith: "can you buy the authentic Jesus Saves sandals and the exclusive Samson: When Long Hair Was Acceptable figurines at either of these godless retailers?"
customer: "no."
chuck smith: "then i guess God has providentially directed your business to us."
customer: "did i mention that i'm a third cousin to s. truett cathy? does that merit a discount?"
chuck smith: "unfortunately no. but next time you see him, tell him that those cow commercials kill me every time."
customer: "is there anything that's free in this world!?"
chuck smith: "you're a Christian aren't you?"
customer: "of course."
chuck smith: "your salvation is free and the benefits are eternal. i can't believe that you overlooked that. i'll tell you what, i'll put a free gospel tract in your next order. that will help you understand the undeserved nature of your salvation and perhaps help you work through some additional issues. i know that i struggle with greed and bitterness as well."
customer: "what?"
chuck smith: "uh, please forgive that last part, sister. would you like to apply for chase's three crosses mastercard this afternoon? if you qualify, you'll receive ten percent off your total."

The rest of the conversation followed the script. If you would like for me to compile a record of this customer's previous customer service complaints or put her on our "problem customer," please let me know.

Your Brother in Christ,

Chuck Smith, C.S.S.

P.S. - I know it's been a while since we've spoken directly. I hope that both your quiet times and "the struggle" are going well. If you need additional accountability, don't be ashamed to call.