chuck smith, c.s.s.

to: bob townsend, director of c.s.s.
fr: chuck smith, c.s.s.
re: customer complaint

bob,

another day, another tremor of the tribulation to come. the following is a transcript of a call i took right before my coffee break this morning. this particular customer was so irate that she questioned my political affiliation. i was so offended that i almost told her to take her business to "amazon the whore of babylon." however, thanks in no small part to the beth moore prayer card i have taped on my monitor, i remembered that we are to bear with one another in love. however, all love aside, i still think you should start a case filed on mrs. weeks.

chuck smith, c.s.s.: "thank you for calling lightway, this is chuck. how can i serve you today?"

mrs. weeks: "my name is mrs. maryanne weeks and i am looking for a book by bill frist. i can't seem to remember the title, but i know that they spoke about it on rush today."

chuck smith, c.s.s. "the book you are looking for is "the healing of america" and we no longer carry it."

mrs. weeks: "you no longer carry it? why would the southern baptist convention offer such an affront to our grand old party?"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "because bill frist is a backslider. he said he was pro-life, but now he's in favor of unraveling human life in order to cure diseases. many of which, including aids, are just a foretaste of God's judgment anyway."

mrs. weeks: "a foretaste of God's judgment?"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "yes, a foretaste of God's judgment. i know that fire and brimstone was given short shrift in the purpose-driven life, but surely you have a basic understanding of the way that the world is going to end?"

mrs. weeks: "now you're questioning the orthodoxy of rick warren? how could something that was so simple and practical be wrong? you know what, forget it. who published the healing of america. i'll try to contact them directly."

chuck smith, c.s.s. "thomas nelson published it, ma'am."

mrs. weeks: "but isn't thomas nelson a southern baptist publisher?"

chuck smith: "yes they are. you would have thought they would have known better than to trust a Catholic."

mrs. weeks: "trust a catholic? now you're not only insulting the majority leader and rick warren, but you’re slandering the pope? don't you have any respect for anyone? weren't you touched by John Paul's ministry?"

chuck smith, c.s.s. "did you ever hear John Paul testify to his conversion? do you really think that Martin Luther and John Paul are going to play parlor games in heaven."

dead air...

chuck smith, c.s.s. "mrs. weeks, thank you for calling lightway, your source for Christian resources."

so, bob, as you can already tell we might have lost a customer on account of our decision to remainder our copies of "father frist's" book. but i think you'll agree that losing customers like mrs. weeks, who probably would have only used our products to pervert the truth anyway, isn't the end of the world (which, interestingly enough, i've really been looking forward to lately. if you haven't read darlene zscech's kiss of heaven get your hands on it as soon as possible. it will surely whet your thirst for things eternal).

we're still missing you at the men's breakfast, by the way. i heard that deacon jones saw you at harrah's in memphis last weekend, but i'm sure he was mistaken. no self-respecting member of our congregation, much less a leader at lightway such as yourself, would be seen at such a secular establishment. if you have any prayer requests, please feel free to send them over:)

sincerely,

chuck smith, c.s.s.